Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Potteranity v1.0

Brothers & Sisters of human race and fellow bloggers in this scribbling race. Saturday October 3rd would be the date etched in the history of mankind, a date when man’s understanding of higher powers would be changed drastically. The date when Nautankey got his enlightenment.

After six rounds of sky vodka and uncountable tequila shots I, nautankey started receiving divine signals. I heard voices inside my head, no it was not the other fellow drunkards blabbering, it was divine voice. Voice of god [©Copyright nautankey.blogspot.com], the fact that I was resting in a resort far away from the city did not hinder the signal’s clarity.

All my previous understanding of the god and universe were challenged and thrown to dumps with this divine interaction. I found the god and the way to god or rather the one who can lead us to god.

Yes dear sinners!! God has been found [©Copyright nautankey.blogspot.com], so is the apostle who can herd us, the ignorant sheeps to the holy feet of the almighty. Harry potter is God!! And JK Rowling[peas be upon her] is our messiah. Once the secret has been revealed that Holy Harry is the Christ's next coming, the hunky kalki avtar and the daler..err..imaam mahdi whom all the scriptures have spoken about for thousands of years I decided to speak up. Open your minds and souls to accept the almighty Potter as the GOD.

A few salient features of this new divine religion which you will soon start following are listed below. This religion is currently named “Potteranity” but can also be referred as Potterism.

Potteranity is the most democratic & humane religion around and allows 'n^n' number of gods..A god for every action and reaction and the best part is under a festive(Potteranity’s festivals will be detailed in v2.0) offer the early bird devotees will be made gods/goddesses, you can also pose along with the almighty god and his aides Hermione and Ron for a quick polaroid photo. Once the official opening is declared rush your entries to iwannabeagod@potteranity.com..but do remember Holy Harry is the supreme god, the omnipresent one whose existence and powers can never be questioned, so the final allotment rests with the almighty Harry.

We will be gentle and peaceful followers of our honorable religion and ones who oppose us will lovingly be stoned, beheaded or amputated any body part of their choice (democracy again) in public.

About gender equality...women and equal to men ?..No WAY, in Potteranity they are superior. So all the top positions go to women and we have high priestesses, popeyes(female tense of popes) and himaamis(FT of imaams) and women can enter The Dingy Alley(worshipping place of Potteranity’s devotees ) anytime and any ‘bloody’ day(s) of the month. Polygamy is strictly banned and if Women practice it they will be punished with a fine of 500 USD and if men involve they will be ostracized & condemned to Potteranity’s hell with a fine of 1000 USD.

The wholey...well..the holy book of Potteranity will be called as Hinkypunky . This universal book of knowledge will have 8479 copies and interpretations..so if at all a religious skeptic questions and we don't like that. We can easily oppose that infidel by showing proofs from other 8478 versions of hinkypunky.

Holy Harry our almighty god always existed even before every single conceivable universe existed and expecting a relevant logical/scientific explanations for the preaching of Potteranity will grant you eons of life in painful hell where your soul will be burnt, fried with Chinese chilli n vinegar sauce.

Potteranity too has casteism.. castes are based on economic status. Just 2 subdivisions- haves and havenots. Your caste will be based on your belongings like mobile, i-pod, laptop, dig-cams if you are one who asks something like well...i-pond?? whatzat? can I swim o'er there ? ...Ewwww!! Just move out.. You are declared an untouchable.

The brothers and sisters who involve in blasphemy will be forgiven by the benevolent god by giving a host of wonderful tasks to fulfill… like getting smooched by nana patekar, watching rakhi sawant without makeup, making George Bush jr. win the spelling bee contest .

Ofcoz all generic rules apply ..like…
1. Thou shalt not have any God before Holy Harry... except Santaclaus and superman. Fine... Spider man, Rajinikanth allowed as demi-gods.

2. Thou shall not have any other messiah. JK Rowling[piece be upon her] will be the one and the only. All the other messiahs you were following, be it Eminem or Ramdev Baba cease to exist.

3. Thou shalt not kill, unless the infidel irritates you too much

4. Thou shalt be lazy and offer prayers once in a while when you are not drunk.

5. Thou shalt not steal, unless you really, really want something and cannot afford it

6. Potteranity is harsh on dressing freedom. If thou are a fat guy you are no longer allowed to wear speedos/tight tees or run around semi-clad and titillate women. And in the interest of fairness, if thee is a fat gal you cannot wear bikinis or terrorize men with butt clinching jeans.

More additions to this universal religion of love, peace, knowledge,wisdom and brotherhood will come in future versions. Information about Potteranity’s festivals, graphic details Potteranity’s hell and heaven, Gods and goddesses are all expected to be released soon.

Those infidels who don’t like this supreme religion are not welcome to the comments section and if they do dare to criticize this divine legion..well u know where those comments r gonna disappear along with the souls of those sinners. Harry Om!

30 comments:

the blogger formerly known as sansmerci said...

The first follower of potteranity is here sir!!!

PS: can we have a waiver on the polygamy part alone?

Hail Hole-y Haaaarr-y!!!

Nautankey said...

Swarna,
Welcome to the divine fold.

Waiver?..then where do we go for funds?. Harry Om!

Aaarti said...

thanni potutu intha post ezhudiniya??????????? enna saar akramam ithu!! :D

Potteranity ki jai!!

Shruthi said...

*Shruthi bows to Saint Nautankey*

Pliss add my name to the list of Potteranity followers Sir.
Harry Om Harry Om.

p.s. when is v2.0 releasing?

Sindhu :) said...

Yeh Silly Fellow.

What much has changed in this since that bardism on O3? :D

Nautankey said...

RT
Even without thanni i wud have written this :P..when so many karmams are happening under name of religion why not this akramam :D..

Jai harrry!!

Shruthi
Welcome to the only divine religion. Version 2.0 to comeout soon.

Sindhu
A lot!! Not marketing myself as the god u see,got an internationa face..and come on all religions are the same crap so wat if there r no differences between bardism n potteranity :D

Smita said...

Hain???

Nautankey said...

smitha,
divine scriptures always go over the head :D

Sneo said...

me says Potteranity rocks !!

s w a t said...

Before leaving I'd like to say, "I am God" :D

Ruth said...

Future festivals?? No, please NO, not more Indian festivals!! I can't remember the ones already.

Unless Poterranity's will dissolve all the others.

rauf said...

How dare you call us 'ignorant sheep' ? We are the most intelligent sheep wearing all the wool in the world in Chennai. What was the temprature yesterday ?
Is this October or June ? Next time god appears in your toilet tell him i mean HIM, that i am very annoyed with HIM.

And what is this silly claim of copy right ? i patented god 61 years ago, long before you were born my friend. I'll sue you, you'll hear from my lawyer soon

Nautankey said...

Sneha
Thank you thank you!! and welcome.

Swat
Yeah..? Go better get a messenger for you ASAP. People dont like to interact directly with gods.

Nautankey said...

Ruth
Potteranity is supreme all indian,western,eastern festivals will be dissolved. imagine uniform public holidays all over the world. Hail Harry!

Nautankey said...

Rauf-ji
We are ignorant sinners and do mail your feedback to greivances@potteranity.com, it would be attended in less than 24 hours.

all previous patents/copyrights stand broken after the appearance of Harry.Sad you forgot to renew ur copyrights.

rauf said...

Hari Puttar aur uska baap bhi wharship mera gaad.

Prasad said...

all hail the new religion!!!!

jai ho.... jai ho...jai ho!!

Dhanya said...

Harry Om! Harry Om!

Lol :D You're crazy :D

Jitu said...

hahahahahhahahhaha


Holy scriptures re written. :D:D:D:D

Hail Harry... the new international face of thy religion Bardy!! :)

Hail harry!!

Ashwathy said...

ROFL!!! classic nautankey, this one :D

Tarun Goel said...

wow!! This was too good, I read it the same day when you wrote it but today only I understood it :D
May be hunger effects, I am hungry and all I have have around and near me is cockroaches :P

Nautankey said...

Rauf,
Ok ok..its tough for older[forsaken,rejected[ gods to accept defet.Start ur crusades n lets fight it out.

Prasad,
Welcome the welcome. Potteranity also provides free annual gym memberships for devotees..so spread the word

Nautankey said...

Dhanya
Harry om!.Messengers like me have always been misunderstood as crazy people. History repeats iself.Wait for the day when our apostle JKR splits the sea open from gelf to kerala and u can drive thru.

Jitu
Yes market requirements :P..need a face which can pull in next gen devotees.

Nautankey said...

Ashwathy
No no no..I am only a pencil in the hands of the lord almighty harry. Its his designs am just the tool. Harry om!

Tarun
Aah cockroaches,this was ur plight when potteanity did not rice,now for dinner u will have healthy mice.See the mercy of our god!! Follow him...

verbivorehere said...

pranam maharshi..when others took decades to write the religious book..u took just minutes??? what better proof for teh authenticity of potteranity!when u started i thot u were writing the sequel to one night at call ccentre what with gods voice and all...oki..oki .maharshi.cool down.just one doubt..
Y potter??????

soulsez said...

I wonder what atheists would do...
Maybe they'll start an edhirkatchi led by Bappa Brown and his religious text "Scale le pota kode"

verbivorehere said...

nd..ur tagged P http://verbivorehere.wordpress.com/2009/10/16/bored-of-tags-well-heres-another-one/

Swaram said...

LOL ;)

mirrorcracked said...

After that much Vodka, I believe I'm God. :P

Shruthi said...

knock knock..