The year that was - 2011.

Ok it's that time of the year when nondescript political commentators, film-critics, sports columnists - at times all rolled into one like indian news channels who have the same panel of 'experts' discussing defence deals and cricketing debacles - have a party writing about their top 10, bottom 10 and middleton. The end result is some megabytes of cyber waste.

Me being the not-so considerate cyber user has decided to contribute to that ... here goes my list of top i-dunno-wat

a) A wonderful 3 months trip to Copenhagen....had some lovely as well as not-so lovely time

Lovely bcoz of the following reasons

• Blond girls
• Blond girls in clear heels
• Blond girls playing volleyball in the beach

   Err...that's the top 3 reasons..incredible isn't it. The other ones

• A place where indian english and accent is not the funniest
• Ppl stopping and watching us with confused looks...when we are playing cricket that is.
• Was back to my bachelor days..and realized my booze resistance is not the same as it was 5years ago..ah age is catching up
• Ofcoz was paid in a currency which was more than INR
• Blond ...ok I stop it here.

No-so lovely bcoz

• Missed the chaos
• Had a visit to germany- which made me feel why didn't the americans nuke germany...argh..hated the place and no i aint buying a BMW or Audi or Merc ever ever in my life... well not that there were too many affordable..either way.
• And yeah..i was single..come on there was no one to blame when things go wrong.

b) Moved into my new apartment. There is a saying in tamil "Get a wedding done and get a house built".. means both are financially exhaustive. One can never estimate the costs and none ever knows all the nuances.

If building the house part is smoother,trust me the moving in and settling down will make sure it sucks out  everything left. Guess I can write a whole series of blogs on this.

c) Managed to stage 2 shows with my theatre group. Was a miracle indeed,what with 80% of the team members being offshored.

d) Hearing quite a few voices speaking inside me..and asking me to write a book. I hope it would be a bigger best seller than some of the holy scriptures going around.

e) There was some point in the year where I was completely lost with gadgets, bikes n cars..was using lot of smileys in mails and worst started loving justin beiber's music(i know that's a oxymoron)..phew..it was like some teenage girl's spirit taking over me. Thanks to non-stop rambo movies, absolut, JD and their ilk, the spirits are gone now tho.

New-year wishes..
- Wish SRK stops acting...Anna stops fasting...and obama starts working
- To enter politics
- Stop drinking
- Reduce social networking
- Write more on this blog :-).

Last but not the least..I wish the calendar app used by mayans had crashed,hence there was no 2013 for them ;-).. the world is still so beautiful...

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A Different take :-)

"History is written by victors"

goes a saying. And this applies to every bit of history as well as mythology we read today ..be it the religious crusades,various independence struggles and mythical wars. The other day I was wondering how the story of Ramayana would have been rendered today IF Ravana had won the war.Not being blasphemous or anything,but imagination is a rather wild child...so I let it run..and here is a story we would have been telling our grandkids if Ravana had indeed won the war :)

Once upon a time,long long ago..in the treta yuga lived the noble,just and benevolent king Ravana of Lanka.A devout follower of Lord Shiva,he possessed immense knowledge of vedas and upanishads and was the author of Ravana Samhita - an astrological scripture narrated by lord shiva. Ravanayan is the story about his war with bad people and his ultimate victory.

Ram and Lakshman, the princes of ayodhya were admonished and sent to exile in forest for their misdeeds by their father King Dasaratha.Ram's wife Sita,a pretty,coy lady feared the repercurssions of living alone in ayodhya and decided to be with her husband during the exile,she believed the wild forest to be safer than living as a single woman in a repressive society with three royal mother-in-laws.

One day during their exile in forest,Minakshi,the beautiful and much adored sister of King Ravana saw Ram. She was bewitched by his handsome looks and fell for him. Minakshi went upto Ram and expressed her feelings of desire for him. Ram and Laskhaman were shocked at the courage of this woman,back home in ayodhya no woman would have had the guts to propose a man.They would remain in their goongats and would have had only fleeting glances at their bridegrooms before wedding. Without hiding his disgust Lakshman retorted to Minakshi "O you filthy woman,how dare you speak like this.Women should not behave so.See our Sita here,she is a role model of how a woman should be.You are a demon".

Minakshi replied back "O you misogynist,which law of your land forbids women to express their feelings.If a man had done this you would have termed him as a courageous romantic and if a woman does it,she is a demon?.Being a sita,who does not speak against the men in her household however unjust they are is not how a woman should be". For the first time in their lives the princes of ayodhya heard a woman speak up against a man. An aghast Lakshman drew his sword and sliced the nose of the unarmed Minakshi.

The news of this demeaning act of attacking an unarmed person,that too a woman, travelled far and wide. The learned sages and the wise rishis wondered how a warrior prince right under the nose of a future king could do this. They were stunned by the ruthlessness and irrational behavior. When the mighty Ravana came to know what had befallen his loving sister,he was enraged and vengeance filled his heart. He rushed in his pushpaka vimana to the place where these two chauvinistic princes were living. To his utter dismay he could not find them in their hut,but he found sita. Though hesitant Ravana knew that to know the value of a woman,the princes of ayodhya should lose a woman they loved and respected. Ravana imprisoned sita and took her with him to Lanka.

Ram and Lakshman found that Sita had been abducted.How will they face the world now? how can they ever go back to ayodhya without her? the world will chastise their ability and manhood for not being able to safeguard a woman. Their masculine egos would be thrashed and their legacy relegated to oblivion. The princes decided to find out sita,they started their travel towards south.

Meanwhile in Lanka,Sita was put in a ladies community centre.There she was mocked and ridiculed by the lankan women. They could not imagine someone so coy and so dependent,and without any ability to rebel or speakup against men. Her misery was compounded when she came to know about the beautiful and intellectual Mandodari, Ravana's wife. People compared Sita's beauty to Mandodari but when they stuck a conversation with her,they scorned her intelligence or rather the lack of it.

On the other side luck favored Ram and Lakshman,they befriended Sugriva,the leader of a dark,strong and muscular race of beings from the south. Sugriva's story,of being exiled for betraying his brother,stuck a chord with Ram and Lakshman. Ram decides to help sugriva defeat his brother and in return use sugriva's army to find sita. As decided Ram killed from hiding Sugriva's brother Vali during their duel. This heinous act of killing another warrior from hiding sent shockwaves across the divine world.There were arguments and debates to discuss which one of the brothers' act was more vile,whether it was lakshman's act of hurting an unarmed woman or ram's.

With the help of Sugriva's army and his commander-in-chief Hanuman,ram was able to find that Sita was imprisoned in the island of lanka. He decided to build a bridge to cross over to Lanka. Ignoring the pleas of the sea god about the effect of a man made bridge on the ecology of the ocean and detrimental effects to sea life Ram decided to go ahead. Sugriva's strong and powerful army worked day in and day out and built the bridge to Lanka.

As soon as Ram and Sugriva's army landed in lanka,the mighty war started.The valor of sugriva's army was showcased by brave warriors like Hanuman, Jambavan and Angadh,they gave a run to the Ravana's organized army with their guerilla attacks. With the defection of vibishana,ravana's brother, during a crucial time of the war,Ram looked like having the upper hand. But the might of Ravana was not easy to overcome,his relentless attacks coordinated by his son,the invincible Indrajit and his brother the mighty kumbakarna was too much to handle for sugriva's army.

With sugriva's army wiped out,Ravana entered the battle,he captured both Ram and Lakshman as prisoners of war and admonished them to a life in lanka's prison. As they were being taken to the prison Ram was amazed to see the beauty of Lanka. The well laid streets,the content citizens,the wealth and economic strength of the kingdom left ram awestruck. From Vibishana Ram learnt more about the laws of the land and how prosperous a kingdom lanka is.

Bharata,ayodhya's king-in-charge,came to know about the fate of his brothers. He sent a special peace mission to Lanka and negotiated for the release of his loved family.He was ready to offer his life as a barter for his brothers'. Touched by this gesture,the noble Ravana ordered for the release of Ram,Lakshman and Sita.

As they were about to abode the vimana to ayodhya,Ram spoke to sita, "Dear Sita,my beloved.I love you and trust you more than myself.But with you living in Ravana's abode for so long I as well as our society has every reason to suspect your piety and faithfulness. So I would prefer you to walk thru fire to prove that you are the purest". By now, a visibly changed Sita contested this,"Dear ram,my lord,my ruler.I see your request to be rightful and just.At the same time,during my absence I do know you have lived in the forests and also enjoyed the luxuries of Sugriva's kingdom for a few days.Hence I request you to join with me for walking thru the fire. Let the world know we are the purest".

Taken aback by this Ram decided not to keep the test of fire for Sita, they flew back to ayodhya and Ram's rule started. Every input he had obtained from vibishana on lankan goverance was used efficiently and till today Ram's rule is considered as the golden rule of india....better known as Ram Rajya.

All was well :).

P.S: Ok Folks... you can send your kids,grand kids for story time to me :P

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Ello Blog...

Yeah it has been eons since I dropped in here to visit you, leave alone as the blog's owner but even as a visitor :). Sorry for being so mean and cruel, there are hundreds of valid reasons for not being able to visit. Be it the total net blockage at work[we have requested for blogspot unblocking saying there are loads of tech blogs to read thru :P..hope they show mercy],no computer at the new house and then the internet connection. But I know you wont accept these reasons and will keep harping on my changed marital status as the sole reason...thats how the world works. I mean every status message of mine in twitter or FB is somehow related to my married life and my better half..phew I am thinking what status to put up nowadays. Thinking - A concept which I was not used to previously, I am doing a lot of it now.No doubt married men get bald...sigh.

The year 2009 was pretty good for me. The first 2months were hectic at work, post that it has been bench party :-D... I got a new car, new bike and yeah a wife :P...evil, materialistc me. The Rebelz front was not upto my expectation but then not too bad,so can let it pass by.

I have loads of wishes for 2010, listing a few out here and hope Lord harry reads them and helps me to achieve a few

-- Complete all my half written scripts

-- Attempt writing my own book. C-Log aka canine log :-D

-- Try not to get bankrupt by 10th of every month

-- Start gymming

There are a few more not-so-good wishes like sealing the mouth of my project admin who enquires abt my wife's well being...noble intentions, but she screams it from 3 bays away so that all the girls in the work area know i am not single. Assasinate the head of ISS, the caterer who serves lunch at work..the food makes me delusional, I mean...I end up thinking my wife is the best cook!! this is more dangerous than food poisoning you see.

Some wishes for the welfare of general humanity... wish tiger woods gets back to playing[playing golf i meant], amir khan stops behaving like an idiot in real life[yeah they usurp the story from chetan's book n threaten to sue him..its more of stupidity I say], My name is khan will have only a stammerin SRK[got bored seeing the hamming version of him], Pawar & Modi take up the job of bowling & fielding coach [You say Pawar faster than Venkatesh Prasad?hmm..], RGV delivers a movie which will run till I park my bike in satyam cinemas and rush to the ticket counter, the home minister stops drinking too much [I can give clearer statements on telengana with 5 shots of teqila]...and last but not the least I keep blogging...buhahhaaa...Happy new year all. Have a rocking 2010 !!

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Flabbergasting indeed...

Well...this is a question in the US Visa processing form. It has a Yes or No box.

Do you seek to enter the United States to engage in export control violations, subversive or terrorist activities, or any other unlawful purpose? Are you a member or representative of a terrorist organization as currently designated by the U.S. Secretary of State? Have you ever participated in persecutions directed by the Nazi government of Germany; or have you ever participated in genocide?

I mean will anyone be dumb enough to say a yes even if their intent was the above ?..Yeah al-qaeda has some dumb heads but still..this is too much of an under estimation I say :-)

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Words...

Somethings cannot be explained in words

• The joy and elation I get when people laugh for my lines
• The goosebumps I get whenever i see the national flag being hoisted[even in not so known places by the not so VIP ones]
• The way I get tongue tied when I see this really gorgeous girl in office
• The sense of guilt which overcomes when I give a light thwack to my nephew during his dangerously mischievious avtars.
• Why I help anyone in need and then end up getting screwed- How the slightest of provocation to my mammoth ego changes me totally
• The rage when I see educated and rational people believing astrology, sunsign, sooth sayers and rakhi sawant's wedding [infact the last one is more believable than the others]
• The sense of belonging and attachment when I drive past my college/previous company
• The anger when me as a customer is not treated properly.
• The memories that rush thru when a familiar fragrance brushes past
• The sense of relief after hurling abuses on a rash chennai auto driver.

For others I have my blog :-)

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Harry Potter and the misery with ISPs....

Yeah very true,that would be the title of the next HP book had JKR been in Chennai[or any part of india for that matter]. I feel I am back to the neolithic, chalcolithic ages thanks to the atrocious indian ISPs. One fine day in my facebook-gtalk filled heaven horror stuck, the net was not working,i call up my ISP[hathway] and this is how the conversation went

Harassed Me[HM]: Hathway? My number is 17xxxx
Customer care[CC]: Yes sir. How can I help you.
HM : No internet here
CC: Are you from chennai?
HM: Yes.
CC: We have stopped service in chennai from today
HM: Whaaat? I never got an intimation
CC: Oh right now i intimated you sir
HM: What the...this is information,not intimation.
CC: Not much of difference
HM: Just last week I paid for the renewal,why did get renewals.
CC: You can collect it from our office by giving back the modem [bangs the phone]

Immediately I dial the other ISP-Airtel,he sends his agent in less than an hour and all formalities are done and connection promised in 3days,happy that order in heaven is restored I go to blore for a fun time[later about this].After 15days, 10mails, 20 calls and 30 abusive sms-es Airtel doesnt seem to relent.They are pretty focussed on their goal you see "harass the customer",finally I decide to go for BSNL..aah the babu there took the application form kept it aside and said the connection may or may not come in 15days, inspired by the meteorology department I say.

So there goes my life without internet,blogging,facebook,gtalk..ahemm ahemm sites..things which I thought I will never live without.Wish I can do a avada kedavra and wipe off all these customer unfriendly organizations.

Phew..what a sense of relief,sorry for all those who were forced to read the above cribbing, afterall life is not a bed of roses all time. Especially if you are a customer in india.

Coming back to the blore trip,it was amazing..in the sense there are two cities which are say 5hours apart and everything changes. Especially the social circuit.In one finding a restaurant which provides good food with booze is a herculean task,while in the other we can find one in every street.While one has shady govt controlled wine shops prividing IMFL the other had spanky pubs with a great variety to offer.Err..I am on to another crib loop, anyway we had a blast of a time in HRC,it is a wonderful place with great ambience,lovely stuff and [most importanlty]service,would keep going back again and again. The visit was for a wedding of blog pals[both the guy n gal met thru blogs] and yeah we also met a kiddo blogger and it was time well spent.

Then comes the question which I face very often nowadays-changes post engagement. Well the courting period is pretty courteous[so far] and not too many changes in life,though I do spend some extra minutes over the phone..say 100 minutes,sorry am bad in converting minutes to hours :D. And for all those single folks out there who are taunting me with their freedome of movement [and other things] I have found some reasons to get married,listing some here

• I have someone to share my EMIs
• No more stag entries
• All those old uncles/aunties will stop asking when I am getting married[maaan this was a real pain in you-know-where]
• No friend/colleague will embarass me by introducing me to his/her awkward looking pal with the hope that we will get hitched
• I can stop blaming everything on the government
• I get an entire branch to my family tree [which also means few more tickets sold for the rebelz shows :P]
• And yeah you don't need to have a blog to crib

I know there are a 1000 more reasons not to get married but then since I am on this side of the shore I get dyslexic when I try reading them :P

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Neuschwanstein...

I decided to put up a post and the first hurdle as usual was the title. Wonder why I spend so much time thinking about a title,bcoz my posts are no where coherent or sensible. Speak about blog's reflecting your personality.So this title or word was something engraved on a memorabilia which rests on my desk. Google it and I am sure something interesting will turn up :-)

Life is going really cool,every day is an adventure. Imagine stepping into work and seeing if your swipe card/system login works just to confirm you still have a job. Trust me the kinda happiness I get after a successful login every morning....is orgasmic. I have a job..phew. And why do people think I am not serious, comeon being on bench[or even being pink slipped for that matter] is not the end of the world. Most of the folks try to fake a straight-face and end up looking like their zipper got stuck in the wrong place..

There are more serious things than my work at office as such. How is that I find the same girl strikingly attractive one day and too bland n boring the next day,wonder if she has a two-face!! Not the villain in batman series, but i am seriously worried that if at all I gather all my guts and ask her out who will I meet? the attractive one or the dreary one...aah...the troubles of an unmarried man. I am searching for a therapist to cure this two-face syndrome.

And yeah things havent been rosy all around,there was an unexpected death. A close friend's dad expired just a week before his wedding. I mean the whole thing happened in a jiffy, 10mins ago the man was there all pumped up getting things in order for his son's wedding - a massive cardiac arrest - and he is no more. Situations like this make us ask a hundred questions,though we know there are no answers.

Came across this beautiful poetry of Aurobindo Gosh - The Fear of Life and Death

Death wanders through our lives at will, sweet Death
Is busy with each intake of our breath.
Why do you fear her? Lo, her laughing face
All rosy with the light of jocund grace !

A kind and lovely maiden culling flowers
In a sweet garden fresh with vernal showers,
This is the thing you fear, young portress bright
Who opens to our souls the worlds of light.

Is it because the twisted stem must feel
Pain when the tenderest hands its glory steal?
Is it because the flowerless stalk droops dull
And ghastly now that was so beautiful?

Or is it the opening portal's horrid jar
That shakes you, feeble souls of courage bare?
Death is but changing of our robes to wait
In wedding garments at the Eternal's gate

Not sure if this little poetry can console people,but surely makes us realize death is not just the end for someone but rather a journey towards the end of so many things for the loved ones of the demised.

Wish I could do everything I want before death touches me. The wishes range from the highly impossible like - writing that great script which future generation of screen writer's use as a bible, perform that role which would outshine a charles heston or gielgud - to the downright silly like confessing all my blunders, mischiefs and actions....yes rajath I was the one who stole your valuable hero pen in 6th grade and yeah madhuri I was the culprit who kept that stupid love letter in your shoes during the lab session in 9th grade...thank god the probability of rajath or madhuri reading this is next to zero :-)

Many if not all of us have a last wish ...my dad wants his last breathe to be in native village...my grandpa's was to visit kasi but we could not take him to the kasi theatre too. My sindhi friend wishes to visit Lahore once before his penultimate hour...humans and our obsession with death, thinking about it, makes us understand Egyptians better!!

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Hello blog....

After a pretty long time [ I suppose] am back to blogging. Don't think I can write anything coherent so trying to list down my activities

• Had an awesome trip to Hyderabad,the best part all the people who made is awesome were blog pals. The guy who accompanied me to the trip, the person who invited us and most importantly the wonderful man who made the whole trip memorable. I knew all of them thru blogs yet never felt they were any different from other friends. Cheers to the spirit of blogging.
  
  
• Hyderabad trip can be summarized as Eat-Go around-Eat-Go around-Eat-party-Eat-Sleep-Wakeup- Eat-Go around. All this in an infinite loop. Add to it the Eat part mostly was biryani, not just normal biryanis... yummilacious hyderabadi biryani. As soon as we gorged down the last bit of paradise biryani,there was this great sense of achievement and bliss which covered us. Finally mission accomplished...burrp
  
  
• With the train man around we never needed any guide for the city, he knows the history, geography, civics, chemisty and many more subjects of hyderabad more than what the nizams would have ever known. He has a deep love for the city and its cuisine,lucky us got to eat at the best places and visit the most important spots.
  
  
• Not sure if it was the over eating spree or the hot weather, fell sick with typhoid and was on a curd-rice wonly diet for ten days...it sucks
  
  
• If there is something more suckier than the above point, got to admit it is IPL and it's on-your-face commercialization. When the cricket jockeys like gavaskar, shashtri over hype all the matches as the match of the century and then ball of the tournament, shot of the decade, catch of the millenium... God give us a break..nop not the strategic breaks with Ads.
  
  
• I suddenly find every girl I come across attractive!! The best[or worst]part, I dumped my I-can't-woo tendencies and stuck a converstaion with couple of them n even got their numbers. Phew tell me about the side effects of typhoid...it's pretty baad I shud say.
  
  
• Bought a new car, it looks like a toy car[a Wagon R]but then serves the purpose. Had the most irritating 2hours of my life when the car was delivered, right from the showroom guys to my parents wanted a 100 poojas[rituals] to be performed. At the end of which the red color car was covered with so much petals and other stuff I forgot which color I had booked for. These theists...argh.
  
  
• They have pink slipped my team mate...now it's like Mera number kab aayega ?. Wish to quit the job and go for a long trip across India. Hmmm.....If wishes were horses
  
  
• Elections are up and still undecided as to which moron to vote, probably vote for some independent candidate so that I feel content that I did vote and at the same time don't feel guilty I chose another corrupt dumbass to represent me.
  
  
• Seriously contemplating to take up sanyas full time and start an ashram to preach gyaan and whenever I think of this I feel I am getting old.
  
  
• Met my schoolday crush in a friend's post wedding dinner, she is a mother of two and is like a walking talking blubber...how times change. Whenever I come across the previous point I think of her and feel younger ..Complex mind I have got.

---The End---

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The Alicious tag...

Was tagged by alice to write 25 random things about myself.I already owe her some royalty with regards to her name,which I have no plans of paying :)... And add to it when on bench boredom just kills you...Thanks to this tag it helped me to while away some time. Here it is..

[Seriously I did not get any other image for "25" :P]

1. I hate watching movies. I feel it's a waste of 3hours, especially the normal commercial fare which doesn't add anything to my creative self.

2. My idea of a start-up is starting my own religion or at least an ashram

3. I am what they call a metro sexual. I don't mind folks calling me that,I take care of my hair and skin so that I don’t end up bald or wrinkled when am in late 30s. Metro sexual is better than being addressed as the wrinkled bald man :D

4. I love to get high and stoned ,but sadly my capacity has quadrupled of late and in my last binge drinking attempt even 4 large rounds of Smirnoff didn't shake or stir me. Some serious issue.

5. Am a crazy fan of govinda and I believe he is the true desi style Icon. I wore costumes of same color as he did once, and they quarantined me in college..hmph

6. BIG time narcissist. I have a two mirrors in my room, one in the workplace and even my bike's rear view mirror is focused on my face.

7. I am crazy about Rakhi Sawant,Paris hilton and Sambhavna seth..I know most of you would be cleaning your tongues after reading out these names..but..well serious issue no-2

8. There are times I get up and move to some place/room and turn blank..I totally forget the reason for going there. Trust me it's very embarrassing, especially if it's the loo at office.

9. I am totally mesmerized by people of Mongoloid origin[guess addressing them as chinky is racist,some of them said it hurts].I find them cute and adorable. I just get rooted to where I am and start ogling at girls and babies of Mongoloid origin. In fact a few times was doing that at guys too...ok ok serious issue no-3. Gosh whats this tag doing to me..making me feel like rushing to get an appointment with psychiatrist

10. I don't overtake or race ahead of lady drivers who overtake me. I find that totally amateurish and immature.

11.I love surprising myself, like doing something totally wacky once a while. Enrolling in guitar classes was one of them and not going to it regularly wasn't too surprising :)

12.I think I am the master of spoofs. I can write a spoof of any movie/book and can claim confidently that it would make people laugh.

13. I hate homophobics..I mean why do people feel threatened by what a person does in his/her bedroom. That that man/woman that that preferences. We have more dangerous people at lose in the society than homosexuals.

14. I have more break-ups than the number of fingers in my hand :D

15....Yeah 15 is the number of approximate breakups so far and counting !!!

16. I want to become famous because I wish to write an autobiography.

17. I dream to live like Rudyard Kipling.

18. I am nowhere like my blog. I mean people build an image of me after reading my blog only to surprise themselves by running into a self-indulgent, silent guy.

19. At any given point of time my mind would be thinking of 5 different things on a parallel processing mode.

20. Give me a computer with AOE and internet I would be sitting there till eternity.

21. I hate being neutral in times of a crisis. I believe in this saying "The hottest corners of hell are saved for those who are neutral in times of crisis"

22. Many[especially girls] find me rude, haughty, arrogant and high-headed...actually I like being called that :-)

23.When I am passionate about something I get overconfident about my abilities to do it. To the extent that I go on to say even if all the actors fall sick I will play every role in the play and make it a hit :)

24. I am a big time egoistic bum who is hyper sensitive[though I seldom exhibit it]. Someone doesn’t reply to my mails or doesn’t return my hi or hello. I mark them and post their name in my to-be-assassinated-soon list.

25. I never have my shoe laces tied.

If you are bored or suffering from blogger's block or want to tell something more about yourself to your blog reader's I request you to take this tag up.

---The End ---

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The BIG Fat Indian Arranged Marriage...

Act 1
The drama unfolds when an uncle or aunt's comments[rather a snide remark] make our parents think that their kid is getting really old and it's time he/she stops enjoying life. After all happiness is not everything in life. So they conclude we are ready for the holy union. The same uncles and aunts are then used for broadcasting the availability of an eligible bachelor/spinster in the household.

Act II
The show starts with a bang. With phrases like "Fair,slim,goodlooking girl wanted"(for a Bappi Lahiri look alike)... or a "Boy with decent family background and clean habits"(for a girl who idolizes Rakhi Sawant) going around in matrimonial columns or portals.

Act III
The verification, validation and elimination round. Innumerable matches are browsed and are eliminated based on pedigree[The Aunt: The bride's sister's brother-in-law is married to a person from another community it seems..how blasphemous].

Mars is in second house and Venus is in 4th house, that's a bad combination for a horoscope you see. If we marry this person there will be bad luck for the next 14 generations.The groom's father, mother, brother, sister and puppy will get a cardiac arrest, a tsunami will strike from the flush and engulf the house. No way we can take a person with this kind of horrorscope !! -- This is the uncle-ji.

A year passes by … they get bored and lose hope with this act. Then starts the phenomenon called as *.* search. Well it goes like this.........
First the parents would have started off with the search string 'Beautiful iyengar girl looking out for vadakalai iyengar boy preferably professionally qualified'...then due to lower success rate it is now changed to 'Beautiful iyengar bride looking for iyengar professionally qualifed groom'.W ith not much success either the search criteria is transformed to 'Iyengar girl looking for brahmin boy'...then at a later point changes to vegetarian boy. Finally the search is like Bridegroom wanted..caste, community no bar(Wah! wah!what a broad mindedness)...this implies to all castes,communities and creeds(last survey counted more than 50 thousand castes in my state alone)

ACT IV
At last the wedding gets fixed with some compromise or the other. Then comes the huge cost involved in an arranged marriage. The bride's & groom's side competes in building up a crowd. Hence we can see old pals, school/tuition teachers, plumbers, car mechanics, newspaper boy anyone and everyone who the bride or groom's side knows. We need witnesses for once in a lifetime occurrence you see. Of course jewels, silk saris and 'n' number of food varieties are there in the list by default.

The compromises too are not reached without a reason. The color and looks of the bride determines the dowry rate(let's not be so crass..its called kanyadhaan).The fair & slim girl conditions can be compromised if a few bucks are passed.

ACT V
Post all the drama and tamasha slowly the truth starts sinking in for the boy and girl. The boy thinks his wife is extremely beautiful, caring and would bear him kids who would win Spelling bee contests. But she may turn out to be someone who hates guy's who has parents or someone who won’t get a proper sleep if she hasn't heard the sound of her hubby's credit card being swiped every day.

And the girl who was expecting this caring and sensitive husband, may realize her man is as caring as Emperor Nero and the sense part..well he may be a non-sense though, especially if it's someone like me, whose idea of a fashion icon is govinda and the only sport he plays is throwing pop-corn into his mouth as he watches IPL,ICL,India Vs.Holland, Ranji trophy and any cricket match played on the television.

Final ACT
The man and woman realize there is no way to get out of this and either end up loving each other, probably sympathizing with the other’s plight Or they keep the marriage intact by remaining single deep inside their hearts.

Yes yes.. accepted arranged marriages have a positive side too. It's like a huge family reunion and two unconnected families coming together..where else can we expect the guy serving sambhar or one giving you rose milk to be a distant relative and gives aptitude books a run for the money in solving the blood relations puzzle.

With all its pitfalls and drawbacks the show still goes on with the BIG Fat Indian arranged marriage.

And yeah the Rebelz take on the same - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-VpTnliFRk ;-)

----The End----

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The ideal partner....

I loved reading this... :-)

The ideal man by the woman...

Before I go to to sleep,
I pray for a man who’s not a creep,
One who’s handsome, smart and strong,
For me he always sings a song.
One who thinks before he speaks,
And wont be one of those tech geeks,
I pray he’s gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won’t be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my feet and begs to do more.
Let me have a man who’ll make love to my mind,
Remembers what i wore when we last dined,
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

The ideal woman by the man...

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with
Voluptuous body who owns a bar on a golf course,
And loves to send me fishing and hunting. This
Doesn’t rhyme and I don’t give a shit

-- The End --- Read more!!

I am alive.

A post to indicate I am still alive and kicking or rather being kicked around. Just a list of random rants and more of a diary entry, those who find it narcissist are welcome to punch their computer screens and leave a few abusive comments. I am sucker for comments you see...

• I passed a business certification exam. The exam reminded me of the vodafone ad. Three folks who wrote ahead of me flunked and I was waiting for the result on screen...had my heart in my eyes[heart in mouth is a bit overused I feel]. Finally when it was thru I realized the state of mind that guy the ad shud have been in :-), ran to my seat and buzzed everyone in my IM list about the results,and ofcoz was giving gyaan on preparation methods[consultation only for girls though]...aah success is indeed good.
  
  
• Going for a trip this weekend, so expect a travelogue in this space. Hadn't written a travelogue for pretty long time, should be better than my poetry I can assure.
  
  
• An ex-colleague called up. She is back to india after 2 years, after a 20mins chat she sms-es me.. hey what happened to you, you sound so professional,no flirting nothing..got committed?. reminded me of this...duh again.
  
  
• Getting totally pissed with the jago re ads and now TOI has joined the "You Better Vote" campaign with people making promises on their kids' heads...A BIG WTF... Not voting is also my right isn't it, why an emotional blackmail for that. Why don't they have the balls to start a public campaign asking parties to avoid selecting candidates with legal cases on them. I went thru my constituency's probable list of candidates..and I am resolved - I better sit at home than voting for any of these morons.Nop I aint going to the polling booth and giving a letter to the officier saying I am not voting,I want to live longer :-)
  
  
• Thanks to the new diet regime, lost 3kgs and a few inches of the waistline.Not that I feel like a size-zero kareena, it's just that feeling light does change a lot of things. Saved all my old dresses which were not fitting me, can wear those round necked tees without being bothered about the protruding tummy[and dread that question - how many months :P] and most importantly can climb the stairs without panting...but the things we need to give up for this....phew..no pain no gain is true.
  
  
• Started my very long cherished plan of learning guitar. I am this going-to-join-guitar-class-next-month music enthusiast for the past 10 years. Keeping fingers crossed to see if I can continue this for 2months.
  
  
• Another woman's day came and went. I know it's a pointless exercise yet a particualr forward made me smile. Here it is.. Titled "Advantages of being a woman"...
  
  
  • All they need to do to get a seat on the bus is get pregnant
  • Can see the light at the end of the warehouse-sale tunnel
  • They dont' look dopey prancing around in aerobics class
  • Women can get drunk on less liquor than men
  • Women can be "Miss", "Mrs" or "Ms.. men are the plain boring "Mr"
  • Women and children go first into the life boat
  • Can cry their way out of speed tickets
  • Wanna get out ofgym class? Can Pretend of having a period
  • They name ships after women...aah yeah hurricanes too

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Fishing on the net.

INTERNET - A Magical world which has changed lives, for good or bad is a different question altogether. The internet connection at my place was down for a few hours, making me feel downcast, frustrated and disgusted[with my ISP]. When I got a casual we-will-look-into-the- issue reply from my ISP, it just capped my anger and I became as violent as the chennai lawyers. I blasted the customer support guy and called names at the company before he disconnected it. Aaah the sense of satisfaction that came upon me,these are times one realizes the importance of the middle finger.

I just decided to pen down [or rather blog down] my experiences with internet. As of now I am reading some quality management manuals from the net to give a presentation which is a part of my annual goals..unfortunately the only way I am remotely connected to kwality is the vanilla cup-icecreams which I devour. So my scope of getting good ratings post the presentation is lower than the probability of sonia gandhi beating the william sisters in a bout[tennis or boxing..though I prefer the latter].

Leaving the presentation and the associated wonderful thoughts of my boss..my first brush with internet came 6years back. The intro to internet was a simple one, my friend came up and said "Dude there is a new way to get girlfriends". With my tom cruise + brad pitt physical appearance hardly being appreciated in real world, I decided to have a shy @ the virtual world.This my friends was the noble and intellectual intention which drove me towards internet & IT revolution.

I was lucky to some extent, started chatting with filipino and indonesian girls who more often looked like a football with a cute face and all of them were identical[I know they would have felt the same about indian guys]. Add to that surfing costed a real fortune those days. So net for me was like having a pack of marijuana, addictive but with lots of ripple effects especially on my pocket.

Slowly I learnt about the magic of search engines, type in anything and lo! you get the answer. I remember my first search string 'pam anderson's ***' and had an enlightening and informative session. Finally bored with my filipino mates I typed a search string in frustration 'indian girlfriends'...yeah I am a despo but I was a patriotc despo. Jai Hind!

Thus ended my teenage (mis)adventures with the network of networks and when fate turned me into a software engineer the real power of internet dawned upon me. Guess my most exciting moment with internet came when I downloaded a program right during my semester practical exams making a few honest souls around me faint. Trust me when I say many people used me as
a case study to quote about evils of the internet.

By the tird year of college google had become my goddess, friend, lover, sometimes a brat too..on the whole an integral part of me.Helped me in my researches(useful/educative ones I meant), made me realise that I am good in writing not just in slam books but also on the web which had crazy and like mided folks.Yeah it had its not so good effects on me like making me a religious skeptic, an amateur feminist, making me to think that a person exists only if he has a mailbox or to imagine that the fellow bloggers are as good & sweet as their pages(surely I aint as wicked or despo as my page depcits me to)....and many more.

There are times I do secretly type in my first love's name and click on search hoping to find her somewhere screaming and professing her love for me,I know it sounds as intelligent as a kid showing ta ta to a flight travelling 1000s of kms above his head but still that's the magic of internet...You expect anything and everything from it.

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Ram Sena here I come....

Long hours in office and even worse, working on weekends have made sure that I don't blog often, much to the happiness of many souls who got weeded out with my last post. But then I am back..argh I sound like some wannabe tamil super star who turns around stylishly and tells "I am back" though in reality none missed me :-).

Coming back to the topic (I am resolved this time around), the disgusting act @ mangalore pub stood as a testimony for the lack of historical/cultural value of the goondas involved. What’s all the fuss about? For thousands of years alcohol has been a part of indian culture and add to it ramayan, mahabharat speak about separate shalas for drinking..now aren't they kind of pubs. So buggers better don't stop me from following my ancient traditions. Jai Shri ram ki...three cheers..hic!!

And now coming to my other grouse..the 2d Saturday of this month, the day I dread the most and my annual brush with it. Every year when the calendar in my house screams Feb.14th I feel so frustrated and hope tragedies like a nuclear war, a meteor strike or a new SRK release takes place.

Should be a case of sour grapes, I am no 'pyar ki dushman' like the hindi movie heroinee's dad. When I hear questions like 'so what you do on feb14th' or a weird stare as if I am an alien when I say 'I don't have a girlfriend', seriously feel the idea of some huge scale tragedy is better.If I sound like a despo well fine I guess I am one.. Especially a cyber despo who hunts for victims on the net so if you know me personally count your days.

This may be because I am still waiting to get my kind of girl.. I know, I know such a weird imagination, and finding that kind of girl would be as be as tough as making me wear Kareena's jeans.

My first experience of VD(valentines day..if u remember a disease with the same short form I can't help it) was during my first year of college. I was in Loyola, an all guy’s college and my gang of friends bought around 10 tickets for a movie on feb14th.It fell on the first Friday, a day where we can go an hour late to college, thanks to the holy mass. We did not have an inkling of the holy and special importance of Feb 14th. On that specific day only 4 of us cud make to the film hall and Lo!! There was a sea of humanity. Guys of different shapes, sizes and colors with girls of the same specifications had crowded there, the guys holding their partner's hands so tightly as though she is gonna run away with a better looking one and the girls giggling for sweet nothings. Maaan we really felt left out and wanted to scream our hearts, lungs, kidneys out "I too want a girl!!!” but finally my brain(sometimes it works too) thought of an idea. We decided to sell all the 10 tickets we had, what with some of the crazy morons ready to shell out a bomb for it. After bumper sales with 300% profit we had a blast of a time in our own way. So VD had created some young entrepreneurs. Hail VD and down with those who are against it.

But soon after that year the reality of VD stuck me and most of my pals did settle with one or the other (meant the girl or her close pal who was messenger of love) for a VD date. And I take utmost care as to what to do on VD, this is applicable to all singles who are reading this a) Listen to music that is the utterly unromantic probably hearing Annu mallik/Reshammiya sing a duet will give some reasons to live thru the dreaded day b) Read about love stories which have failed or of stories about a college in Chennai which suspends guys or gals if they speak with each other.

Next is selecting the right TV channel preferably sports or cartoon, if at all you enter into the music channels, sorry I can assure you that you will end up drinking rat poison or aerated drink outta depression.They normally show the love affair of the newspaper boy, dhoodhwalla, dabbawalla and who not? and this is what seriously makes me to join the Ram sena.

If you take all the above mentioned precautions, hopefully you will carry on like me with the desperate single guy (DSG..wow sounds like DGP)tag without ending up as a violent fanatic thrashing girls at pubs. Though my DSG tag is fastly moving towards the danger of being taken off,I expect it to hang in her for few more months. So guys your pretty lady colleagues, neighbour's daughter, uncle's brother-in-law's niece and every other lady whom you have a crush on are still not safe...Beware!!

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Masakali...Masakali...

A sleepy afternoon at office[ yes..yes...damn it!! working on a long weekend] have put masakali in a loop and am hearing it over n over again[i know that's wat happens when played in a loop still]. Addictive I say, add to it the visuals of the song which run thru my mind. A cute sonam kapoor dancing with pigeon on her head...*sigh*...she looks a bit anorexic but adorable no doubt. Also liked her guts when she took on the old vixen shoba de.

Aah did I divert the topic? happens many times... like the other day at office we started speaking about fitness, john abraham came in and then the topic drifted off to bips, her you-know-whats... well men you know. We are like boomerangs, wherever we start the discussion ends in the same thing.

Coming back to Masakali[trying to] I dont' understand 40% of the lyrics, the other 60% has challenging words repeated...like masakali,matakali,jatak,burrrr...burrr. As an amatuer lyricist-Yesss I had written english lyrics for a tamil pop album, the album was a sell out, the only two released copies were bought by the music composer and his Sasural- I am amazed by some of the lyrics in our movies songs. Imagine Rang de basanti's title track by daler the first 3 lines are of great literary value, it goes "ding ding ding ding". Having heard ARR for the past 17 years[now I feel as old as dev anand] the use of catchy words has been his trademark and best part is rarely does it sound odd. It gel's with music and yeah tough to write an alternate for daler's energetic "ding ding ding". Next time you hear a ARR composition keep an eaye[or an ear] for this.

Ok I started the previous para with the aim of highlighting the amusing lyrics I have heard but ended up praising ARR. This is getting tough, with less than 6 hours of sleep in last 48 hours at work, blood shot eyes and trying to write a comprehensible post...The new project kick off is kicking me hard, so all those whose posts I have missed...a BIG sorry, forgiveness is next to godliness. So try to take the second spot after god.

The hectic weekend brings back memories of the previous weekend. That was something which I wish I could have every time, a trip to yercaud with a cool bunch of buddies. Decided to try something out of the world and yess it was weed!!. Weedy trip I shud say, but frankly it wasn't a great or memorabe experience. Weed is not for weirdos like me I suppose. Having a drink and getting a high is ok, but smoking something and forgetting the whole sense of time & space... often thinking abt the dialogue which indian movie actors utter when they regain consciousness i.e "Mein kahan ho". It's good if the weeder[one who smokes it] has happy memories and can go on a jolly trip.....surely it's not for loser's like me :D.

As of now this post looks like a weedy post...pointless,intentless,going towards nowhere, and... argh...lemme stop it righ here. Adios....have a great weedend..err...weekend..

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Les Scribblings.....

I know my frequency of unloading crap here is getting pretty high, let's say as high as Salman's flops and those with sanity wud try hard to catch up and fail, akin to Amarsingh's attempts of catching up with a speeding PT.Usha [pronounced as ushey by her fellow statemates]...the obvious expected excuses can be something like "You know a celebrity script writer's life,too many things to occupy.Wachowski bros have just fixed an appointment with me"..."Oh I was really busy with this challenging project at work..which was about increasing the lending rates of blah...blah..blah"..or something even better... "Gimme a break folks, I have time just enough to take my girlfriend to candle lit dinner at spanish restaurants..cuddling up with her in inox.. and swiping her billionaire dad's credit card all over the city".

Sadly I have not done any of the above mentioned attractive activities and remained a lazy bum roaming pointlessly and covering 50kms a day in my bike which gives a nice vibrating effect to some unmentionable parts of your body making you lie down on your face in the nights..ok hold your breath..that was one looong sentence.

Our show got over last sunday and I am happy as well as sad. Happy that all the 3 shows were houseful and the response overwhelming, sad that it is over and my good old friend- emptiness has crept back. No check lists to see if things are in place, no deadlines to pursue, no asses to keep kicking and following up.

The only thing I do at work is conduct technical interviews to recruit for our new client. And am pretty confused with these interviews and our auditions, trust me when I think the reason why I reject a candidate is his/her mother tongue influence or lack of stage presence....something tells me there is a praablem. I mean why do we need all those things for a mundane programmer. Luckily I have this judging sheet with reasons and I tick the logical reasons. The best part is my boss, who conducts the second round of interview. He is a music fanatic and rejects people saying their voice is bad and they won't sound good to the client with whom we wud be havin only phone communicaton. Thinking about it I feel happy and confident abt my singing prospects as he had chosen me...MLTR here I come :)

I am so sure and can swear on Obama's six packs that the past 4 days have been the most wasted and uninteresting part of the year for me. Other than learning how to operate my new Sony flat screen, untie the lace of my reebok shoe and polishing my Rolex watch [Yup!! I bought them all in a binge shopping spree and I love boasting].. there has been nothing happening.

Wow!! I have written more than 150 words about emptiness, signs of a great writer I say.The emptiness does make me think..I know, serious thoughts and me ? It's is like a tweety bird tattoo on arnold's arms..a real misfit. That's what happens with emptiness, makes us feel weird and question what we r gonna do in life...our priorities and folks around us.

The more I think about it the more uneasy it becomes..it makes me emotional that I end up hearing himesh reshammiya for 2hours at a stretch or at worse stage try to find the eye lashes of our PM manmohan singh. Still I am not gonna let this make me feel down, I am a mentally strong guy who has withstood a live concert of udit narayan singing in tamil and had a new year resolution list which had marrying pamela anderson as one of the things to-do.

Ten years ago there was no emptiness as I need to study..get a good job..and a decent pay packet so that I need not sell my kidney or wife's mangal sutra for getting milk bikis for munna.. After I got a job there still were so many thing to learn in my career like back biting, ditching team mates, finding the marital status of the pretty girls in office etc,.,

Now this emptiness and question of purpose comes in..well..nothin serious probably spend my life having fun, eating & drinking in the best restaurants with pals, doing plays and yeah there r more pretty girls in the new office so find their marital status..but this emptiness...aargh get a bottle of Absolut Vodka puhhleasee..letz fill it up. Waiting for the weekend....

In case I get too drunk to put a new post. Wish ya all a happy new year!! and let there be happiness alone in this year.Try to be happy with the small things life has to offer...bcoz thanks to recession big things aint coming my friend.

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Qwirky Tag..

So here is my first tag on this new blog...Tagged by Abarna,yup the lady blog rolled as
abar-p o'er here. Firstly I had a tough time to find the meaning of the word Quirky, thanks
to google I found it. Going into this tag, I have to list 6 quirky[strange,odd,bizarre]
qualities of me.

1. I am a chronic liar[CL].I mean if you havent got a hang of how chronic it is from my previous
post. Let me explain,if someone wakes me up in the sleep and asks me where I was the last
weekend I am capable of making up a bluff and tell it out convincingly.I dont remember one
person to whom I haven't bluffed :)

More folks realized this is quirky during my recent UG class reunion. Met an ugandan
classmate who sat near me. During good ol' days the poor soul once asked the name of a
classmate and me being the CL told it is rajinikanth,so by the end of the year thanks to me
he had met amitabh bachan,kamalhassan,mamooty,hrithik and even karishma n urmila in the
boys college.Now, after 8 years in India he had realized who they were :). Trying to curtail
the CL,but then I am having fun :P

2.I have these weird wishes about my future wife. I dream of this shy,coy bharatia
naari[yeah typical MCP] who draws a da vinci painting with her feet and is
capable of laughing for my PJs even if she is hearing them for the 127th time. Infact I did
put this up as expected qualities in shaadi.com and my sis suggested I rather put the
expectations with my snap in ebay.com as it had more prospective bidders.

3.I take the cream in cream biscuits and discard the biscuits. Started this habit when I
was 4 or so and it has stuck to me.Interestingly my 2year old nephew has got the same
problem but with a reversal.He eats the biscuits and discards the cream.So my sis opens the
cream biscuit packet only when we both are around.

4.I can't have tablets without chocolates.Another childhood idiosyncrasy, should blame my
mom. I can't have tablets without having a sweet or chocolate to munch in after I swallow
the tab. I tried to get over it but i simply cant.

5.My dressing sense.It has been branded as quirky by most of them.Well you can't blame
someone who has Govinda as his style icon.I find it pretty normal when I buy a yellow pant
or a fluorescent bermuda.Some call it gawdy but I call it desi :).So next time you find
someone choosing the gawdiest color of dresses or ice cream in baskin n robbins..greet me!

6.I am too jovial.It IS quirky bcoz I am jovial even in serious se serious situations.
Situations which are given tragic violin strings in movie re-recordings somehow are funny
to me.I can put a long post on that.An example:Sis gets diagnosed with blood sugar during
maternity, everyone at home are worried and the typical violin stringing moment. I come in
and they explain the situation, my reaction "wow so we are gonna have a sweet baby".
Misplaced sense of humor I say..

I would like to tag: Sindhu, Prasad, Arpita, Swattalk, Zephy

..And anyone who does'nt mind taking it up :)

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