Thursday, April 9, 2009

The BIG Fat Indian Arranged Marriage...

Act 1
The drama unfolds when an uncle or aunt's comments[rather a snide remark] make our parents think that their kid is getting really old and it's time he/she stops enjoying life. After all happiness is not everything in life. So they conclude we are ready for the holy union. The same uncles and aunts are then used for broadcasting the availability of an eligible bachelor/spinster in the household.

Act II
The show starts with a bang. With phrases like "Fair,slim,goodlooking girl wanted"(for a Bappi Lahiri look alike)... or a "Boy with decent family background and clean habits"(for a girl who idolizes Rakhi Sawant) going around in matrimonial columns or portals.

The verification, validation and elimination round. Innumerable matches are browsed and are eliminated based on pedigree[The Aunt: The bride's sister's brother-in-law is married to a person from another community it blasphemous].

Mars is in second house and Venus is in 4th house, that's a bad combination for a horoscope you see. If we marry this person there will be bad luck for the next 14 generations.The groom's father, mother, brother, sister and puppy will get a cardiac arrest, a tsunami will strike from the flush and engulf the house. No way we can take a person with this kind of horrorscope !! -- This is the uncle-ji.

A year passes by … they get bored and lose hope with this act. Then starts the phenomenon called as *.* search. Well it goes like this.........
First the parents would have started off with the search string 'Beautiful iyengar girl looking out for vadakalai iyengar boy preferably professionally qualified'...then due to lower success rate it is now changed to 'Beautiful iyengar bride looking for iyengar professionally qualifed groom'.W ith not much success either the search criteria is transformed to 'Iyengar girl looking for brahmin boy'...then at a later point changes to vegetarian boy. Finally the search is like Bridegroom wanted..caste, community no bar(Wah! wah!what a broad mindedness)...this implies to all castes,communities and creeds(last survey counted more than 50 thousand castes in my state alone)

At last the wedding gets fixed with some compromise or the other. Then comes the huge cost involved in an arranged marriage. The bride's & groom's side competes in building up a crowd. Hence we can see old pals, school/tuition teachers, plumbers, car mechanics, newspaper boy anyone and everyone who the bride or groom's side knows. We need witnesses for once in a lifetime occurrence you see. Of course jewels, silk saris and 'n' number of food varieties are there in the list by default.

The compromises too are not reached without a reason. The color and looks of the bride determines the dowry rate(let's not be so crass..its called kanyadhaan).The fair & slim girl conditions can be compromised if a few bucks are passed.

Post all the drama and tamasha slowly the truth starts sinking in for the boy and girl. The boy thinks his wife is extremely beautiful, caring and would bear him kids who would win Spelling bee contests. But she may turn out to be someone who hates guy's who has parents or someone who won’t get a proper sleep if she hasn't heard the sound of her hubby's credit card being swiped every day.

And the girl who was expecting this caring and sensitive husband, may realize her man is as caring as Emperor Nero and the sense part..well he may be a non-sense though, especially if it's someone like me, whose idea of a fashion icon is govinda and the only sport he plays is throwing pop-corn into his mouth as he watches IPL,ICL,India Vs.Holland, Ranji trophy and any cricket match played on the television.

Final ACT
The man and woman realize there is no way to get out of this and either end up loving each other, probably sympathizing with the other’s plight Or they keep the marriage intact by remaining single deep inside their hearts.

Yes yes.. accepted arranged marriages have a positive side too. It's like a huge family reunion and two unconnected families coming together..where else can we expect the guy serving sambhar or one giving you rose milk to be a distant relative and gives aptitude books a run for the money in solving the blood relations puzzle.

With all its pitfalls and drawbacks the show still goes on with the BIG Fat Indian arranged marriage.

And yeah the Rebelz take on the same - ;-)

----The End----


Sindhu :) said...

Ah the next play starts, is it!

Go guys!

And HEY!!! I am also looking for "Boy with decent family background and clean habits" - and I DON NOT idolize Rakhi Sawant, ok?!


Nautankey said...

Next play on May 17th. And for the boy with decent family back-ground. I know someone who has a ground of land behind his house :P... And we know who ur idol is...rakhi is better than him :P

Andy said...

Woah..U hv written loads. Gimme a chance to be back n read all of it.

Btw...The fact that u love spirits that come in bottles....the ones that u can BUY.. cracked me up.... Hahaaa..
Gud one there. U def hv a sense of humour.

Andy said...

Oops n' almost fgot to mention.. Did u, by any chance, hover ur mouse over the 'ghost of Iqra' or the 'girl with the doll' pic?

If not, do it now. If u see an effect happening, lemme know. That means..that ghost loves u. lol.

Ramana KV said...

Totally true while difficult to accept if life's still hovering in the initial stages...

Horrorscopes.. Yup... Horror it is..

Funny take...

Gayathri said...

I am glad I escaped all this - except for the wedding procedures. Still, it was fun. :)

Nautankey said...

Thank you dude..and yeah seems the ghost does love me a lot :)

Speak abt stars which are light years away deciding the fate of a person...really crude I shud say

Lucky you..yup saw the snaps.. was too good :)

Arun said...

heh hilarious post mate !:)
the *.* search was topz !

Revs said...

Nauts! Stay single I say. Simple. Oru ponnu vaazhkaiya kaapaathina maadhri aagum, population a koracha maadhriyum aagum. Lol!

On a serious note, this post was a Riot!Laughed till my stomach ache and promptly called the SS and read it out to him. Soober as always.If you get married,you wont get time to do such posts.So as a Naeyar viruppam,please stay single :P

Ordinary Guy said...

:) ROFL post..... :)

yes, This is a pretty good description of the big fat Indian "arranged" marriage....

btw, are you with Rebelz.. ????

Ordinary Guy said...

I have always wanted to come for your show, thanks to my brother who is with you guys :)...
but it has never worked out.... :)

Smita said...

Ha ha ha cool one this is. Seriously how high n mighty people sound and how soon they are ready to compromise he he. Right now we are going through the drill for my bro-in-law :D sometimes i think arranged marriages are like lottery lag gayi to great nahin to...Hilarious post. Is the same one that you were talking about?

Nautankey said...

Thank you thank you :-)

No never.I know u want ur curse to palichufy and are requesting me to be single.

Danks for liking the post and only if i get married I can do R&D and write further abt this topic.. so how abt introducing an irish girl..during my ireland vacation ofcoz :P

Nautankey said...

Ordinary Guy
Thanks for dropping in and for liking the post.

Yup am with rebelz from the beginning :) and who is ur bro?
We have a show on may 17th hopefully you can work it out this time around.

Heights of desperation you see :).. And sounds like you did not have to go thru this wishes for ur BIL.
Yup this was the one which I said abt.

Ordinary Guy said...

may 17th.... sorry not possible dude...
naa americalle erukken eppo... :) again i have missed it....

my bro... is a secret... :) lol
i have known him for 26 years.... :) right from the days we used to roam about in "jettis"..... :)

Nautankey said...

Ordinary Guy,
Oh no..hopefulyl someday we will stage a show in amrikaa :D..gosh this is wat is ay to bloggers from blore, pune or mumbai..Amrika is too much but fine let me dream big :)

Secret..well I can't guess whose bro you cud be been even after reading ur blog,only 1-2 guys of our gang had younger bros..and comeon jetti is no proper clue..everyone wears that :P

Ordinary Guy said...

The world certainly is a small place.... :) I came in thru aswathy's blog... :)... and found a rebelz member here.... :)

I am his close younger "cousin" bro... :)
and no secrets...
My cousin is Ashwin, the guy in the utube link you have provided..... :)
and we used to spend hours and hours, playing in adayar when we were young.... :)

dream big.... :) what is with the Kathakali artist photo? are you a malayalee.....

Ordinary Guy said...

and yes, best of luck for your May 17th show.... :)

Nautankey said...

Aaah...Ashwin..nice to know that.. he has one wide ranging network of cousins I shud say.We used to joke about filling up the audi with ashwin's cousins n relatives :-).. Very small world indeed especially if we know someone like ashwin who has an ever expanding network.

Thanks for the wishes we have ash playing the lead this time too. Other than malayalam being my 3rd language in school for few months I have no other connections with it[though I love a few things which are cuisine I meant :P],could not find any connected image to the word nautankey and kathakali being a performing arts caught my imagination.

Ordinary Guy said...

:) lol about "filling audi with ashwins .... err...... my relatives!!!".....:)

ash in the lead.... cannot believe it.... :) wah...!!!!

and yes, mallu cuisine is the best (and tamil)....!!! I lived in kerala other than chennai offcourse!!!!

great to know you dude!!!!

Ordinary Guy said...

and you are on my blog roll.... :)

Nautankey said...

Hee hee..imagine that guy[ash] sold 70 tickets for our first show's first day. The video of which is the link. If it was a smaller audi there wud have been a houseful board. Do click on the rebelz next venture link you wud have a description about our upcoming play..ash is simon,the guy for whom 3 girls fight for :))

Yup yup read about your keralay connection..still reading thru ur blogs..they are very interesting and perfect fodder for a benched resource :D..

Was great knowing u too..thanks for the blog roll.

Ordinary Guy said...

70 tickets!!!! :P

3 gals fight for ash!!! :D... lol... let me tell my aunt!!!! :P

:) "benched resource"...:) so i can safely assume that you are also a paavam software guy....:) (like me) hehe.

Nautankey said...

Yup plz do that. i dont think he is planning to get them for the show :).

Yeah same creed as u and ash.In the bench now waiting for the project which is in pipeline..the pipe looks pretty loooooong :D :D

Shayari said...

Nice summary describing the 'South Indian weding'. Couldn't be more true:-)

Intercaste marriages, toh maano is treated like a disease only here..
And "Kundali obsession" topic has the full potential to become a long post! lol

Ashwathy said...

omg!! hahaha... brilliant! hats off! :D

bappi lahiri lookalike LOL good 1
and yes of course, inviting everyone including the kitchen sink plumber and his dog is the norm. as u said, witnesses for the reunion (money spent).

i suggest u copyright this post lol :)

the blogger formerly known as sansmerci said...

hey you! here comes a BIGGGGGGGG hug from me :) thnks for addin/reviewin places on burrp as soon as we started the other new non-food categories, i ve been buggin friends to write and noone did and i was like surprised to c u add places without me even tellin u shows ur doin it outa passion like me :) u put a big smile on my face which is yet to fade :D i ve approved them and plzplz continue and let ur friends also kno it wud b really useful for ppl who come online lookin for these places to kno how they are b4 they decide on it u kno!

no i havent read ur post yet.. i was hopin to read it over the weekend and i will definitely and comment on it. i still havent seen ya on gtalk and it wudve been better to have sent u this msg over there since i din read ur post yet :)

Angel's Flight said...


this is funny! boy oh boy the chaos of a wedding! arranged or otherwise! phew!

Bedazzled said...

ha ha ha... is this a teaser campaign for the next play ? sooper dooper !!

Nautankey said...

Thank you.Guess most things are pretty generic..just replace iyengar with a yadav or bania :D. Abt kundali obsession we can write a whole book :)

Copyright? then all the uncles, aunties and the pseudo astrologers will sue me ;)... Thanks a ton for your hat :)

Nautankey said...

Thanks for that lovely comment.. and Yup will keep burping :)

Yeah have seen more chaotic 'love' marriages :)...where there are lot of conflicts especially if guy n girl are from totally different cultures it wud be hilarious at times

Nop nothing for the play :)..than you

Tarun Goel said...

What a marriage :)

Smita said...

Arrey i had to. You know what there are two or three set questions. Main is 'would you be ok with my parents staying with us?' thrice i said 'frankly speaking i'll have a problem' the guys ran away he he he...In fact i can write a post on this experience...

Anonymous said...

Hahaha!!! :D

Nice post!!!

Anonymous said...

Lolz . *.* search is extremely funny.

Another hilarious part of Arranged wedding is some of the incomprehensible pre and post marriage ceremonies with video coverage. Don’t include photo session here, that’s another agony.

Conclusion: How many wonderful ways to torture two young hearts. Never mind. All for our elders (perusus)!

Bedazzled said...

u shud definately do a play on this marriage blues thingy .. i am sure hazaar men/women would identify with it !!!

Abhishek said...

Howlarious :D
So which act are you in now?

and BTW, Rakhi Sawant is going to host her own 'Swayamvar' on TV!

the blogger formerly known as sansmerci said...

humurous write up man :) had a good lauf, half of it is true in non-arranged marriages too cos tht also has to b 'arranged' rite? and no kanyadhan doesnt mean dowry if thts wat u meant or mayb i got u wrong, it means the givin away of the bride not what u give for the bride

i love the way u write, freestyle and sweet, keep it goin and all the best for the gal search :) the discount offer is still on, if u need it!

Nautankey said...

Thank you :)

Hee hee..very true how can there be no issues with in-laws around... waiting for ur post.Probably that wud make more blog buddies believe ur indeed married :P

Tahnk you..adn don't even get me started on the video coverage. Those guys imagine themselves to be some kinda spielberg and give all wacky special effects which makes us go ROFL..still remember all the funny stuff in my sister's wedding video..and yeah all for the oldies :)

Nautankey said...

Thank you and welcome to the stage :)

Thank you.I am in act 2..or rather act 2.1,where I verify,validate and give N number of reasons for rejecting a profile :)

Our first 2 plays dealt extensively about this extensively that I decided no more stuff abt weddings and commitment blues from the next one on

You are 100% right unless until its an elope n marry all 'love' marriages will have equal acts as an arranged marriage.

You are spot on abt the kanyadhan too..I just wanted to say that folks don't accept the kanya alone without gifts :D

Thanks for liking the post..and for the wishes. Will surely buzz you if a discount is required :)

Anand said...

Oyee dude, when u comin out with a new post??

Kanupriya said...

LOL...hilarious! Loved the "bappi lahiri look-alike" & "girl who idolizes rakhi sawant" most!!! Totally agree with this...u know I had an aunt whose son was really really dark, but still she wanted "MILKY WHITE" complexion for her darling fact whole of her family was dark complexioned & they had rejected so many proposals even if the gal was of normal complexion as she only wanted a "MILKY WHITE" gal!!! When asked abt the reason she used to say she wants her next generation to have fair complexion...Gawd Indian arranged marriages & the tantrums! And finally in fact she was able to get a damn beautiful & very fair gal but guess what, their kid has taken up his dad's features & complexions :D

Anonymous said...

before marriage you seem to know after-marriage scenes..wats happening thampi ;P
but true - the whole thing was hilarious and entertaining ;P thats why..elders advise - 'say hurray to love marriages' ;P

Smita said...

lol, what do u mean by i am indeed married???

Do i need to paste my marriage certificate in blog space?? lol :D

Think Tank said...

i like the marriage part b..just not the arraged thing ..sounds like it is rigged ;)

Abhishek said...

Personal answer to personal question:
No, I haven't worked on Sharepoint!

Anonymous said...




:D :D :D

vimmuuu said...

Duuude, are you spying behind me ??? Im going through all that you had described (except for that Iyengar and dowry part ) !!!

A hilarious take on the arranged marriages. But for people like us who fail with love, this is the only choice, isnt it???

Nautankey said...

AnandProbably this weekend :)

KanupriyaOMG the poor mother in law. People see wedding more as an investment or a business decision.So nothing to be surprised.There was this line I wrote for a play..Girl says "You saw my dad's balance sheet to get me into you bed sheet"..was crude but then got the required laughs :)

Nautankey said...

VerbyYeah yeah I am the next nostradamus, can foresee future :)..And elders? Ahemm...when did elders become so broad minded..may be the elders of this generation like my chechi :D

FarahThan you and welcome here :).. Haan rigging o'er here is stronger than in our upcoming elections :D

AbhishekThank you :)

Nautankey said...

Alice,LOL ..thats the only acronym I can think off :)

Vimmuuu,Endha seyyam cheta you are one among the generation of youngsters who have to go thru welcome to the club.And yeah beggars cannot be choosers :))

Nautankey said...

smitaWell seeing the surprised comments after you putting up a post about you being married I think even if you post your marriage certificate folks wont believe :P

Anonymous said...

kya dimag ka mba hai yeah... :D

Barath said...

Nautankey Garu, enmaindhi, meeru pelli cheskonara?

Chanceailla! sema postu, veetla ponnu paka arambichitaangala? ippadi emotionsha koti irukinga....

Anyways Vazthukal.... But Don forget

"Manavi amaivathu ellam, iraivan kodutha varam, Innaruku, innar endru ezhuthivaithane devan andru...."

Dhanya said...

Totally hilarious. I am in the 'gal seeking decent nair boys' stage. As if we would want to get married to anyone indecent :P

vishesh said...

ha ha ha :P I am arranged marriage for me :P oh btw I want to join ur group..what am I supposed to do ??

Chimaera said...

Im so tempted to send this to my pop! Only problem is he'll forbid me from talking to you as you're brain washing my already empty brain! haha...very well written..why so? coz every true word strikes a chord with your heart and mind and reinforces your own beliefs and opinions on such aspects! Anyway...good luck with the hunt Vin :)

Nautankey said...

Alice,thank you thank you..flattered :P

Barath,Yeah yeah process started and devan/iraivan..lemme tell manaivi amaivedhellam astrologer kudukkum varam nowadays :D..even educated ppl are blinded by this and follow it like sheeps.

Dhanya,Thank you and welcome here.And haan thats another weird thing,ppl claiming to be from decent family and expecting the same. I mean even a Dawood ibrahim wud claim his family to be decent :D

Nautankey said...

It's good you are clear.But once u try the love thing which is still more crazier at times you may feel arranged marriage is far better :).
To join our our play,see if its up to ur liking and wavelength and decide which domain of theatre you want to go for and then let us know :)

LOL..yeah i am a blasphemer so better don't mingle with me :D unless you are drunk :P.
As such our own beliefs are seldom considered in this situation and thanks for the wishes.

vishesh said...

sure, will come for your plays then ;) and ya you need to be crazy in love ;) lol :P but then in my case i already am crazy :D

Smitha said...

Oh!!! That was extremely fun to read!!!!
' make our parents think that their kid is getting really old and it's time he/she stops enjoying life. After all happiness is not everything in life.' - Loved it :)

Guess some part or the other other would be true for most arranged weddings :)

Sneha Divakar said...

super!!! well said...
so which phase are you in currently?

Nautankey said...

Smitha,Thanks for dropping by and yeah most things are generic with regards to arranged marriages..Can write a post on all the generic stuff across various communities too.

Sneha,God knows :)

Samathu Iyengaar Ponnu said...


I tried emailing you frm the email link on yr profile, but i had to set up an outlook account :P I didnt' want to ..

I am a Masters student at Harvard, also frm Chennai and writing a paper on Indian arranged marriages :P I just came across your blog, while I was doing a random Google search and was wondering if I could a) Quote you
b) If you could answer a few questions for me for my paper.

Only problem, it's due tomorrow Thursday - so if u see this before. HURRY!!!

email me at -


Shruthi said...

Hehe you got the whole scene right.

Lol @ “The groom's father, mother, brother, sister and puppy will get a cardiac arrest, a tsunami will strike from the flush and engulf the house”

Man! Arranged marriages are scary. The aunties and uncles gear up with numerous “horror-scopes” even before the bride’s/groom’s family can think of wedding. They seem to know better innit?
But facebook / orkut fever is catching up these days. One of the aunties actually asked me to open an account for her so that she could check her daughter’s prospective grooms’ profiles. Technology for health or pleasure, I wonder?

Came here while blog hopping. Will come back for more :)

Nautankey said...

Thanks for dropping in..Yup yup pretty scary and especially when you have not much options like me :D

Hope to see more of ya o'er here :)